The Unplanned Detour

             
Have you ever had to take a totally unplanned detour from your well laid-out plans, be it at home, school or work? If no, count your blessings... If yes, how did you deal with it?

While my original plan had been to look for a job as soon as I graduated with my Masters in Social Work (MSW), I have had to put my job search on hold. This is as a result of personal reasons beyond my control and this frustrates me to no end...

I had hoped and dreamed of being able to work as a clinical social worker as soon as at all possible after I graduated. Not being able to right now is a huge letdown. Initially, I beat myself up for this but this was not helpful.

This approach only made me feel worse because then I was faced with the situation that is preventing me from being able to pursue my desired new career in social work plus I was putting myself down.

Now, I am trying to be more accepting of what is going on (the personal reasons are beyond my control) and my hope is that in so doing, things will be able to fall into place sooner rather than later. This phase is coinciding with a need for some self-exploration, an unplanned but important stop in my career journey.

To that end, since I attended Jack Kornfield and Dan Siegel's  "Wise Heart and the Mindful Brain" workshop back in April, I have been practicing mindfulness on a daily basis. In addition, I have started engaging in some EMDR therapy to assist in this process.

My method of practicing mindfulness is by listening to a meditation CD by Jack Kornfield. While I have much room to grow in terms of mindfulness, I feel that I have already reaped some benefits.

The main benefit is that I have developed the ability to observe things happening around me before reacting, even in situations where my reaction was almost pre-programmed. The opportunity to observe before reacting, in turn, gives me the freedom to choose how to respond.

For example, pre-mindfulness exposure, if one of my children acted out, I may have had an automatic response, with no conscious thought. However, now, after having a few months of mindfulness meditations under my belt, I no longer have an instant response when one of them acts out or when they bicker.

Instead, I'm aware of my noting what is happening and then making a decision as to how I'm going to respond. My more thoughtful response, in turn, has led to smoother sailing with the kids. In other words, my being more mindful is having nice positive ripple effects...

Another advantage to the meditation is that I see it as an important act of self-care. Meditating itself feels good and taking the time to meditate ensures that I get a 20 or 25 minute break once a day. This, in turn, helps recharge my batteries for the remainder of the day.

That said, there has also been a negative side to mindfulness - at least for me. I've become more aware of all of my emotions. I hadn't realized to what extent I had been unaware of many of my feelings till recently.

This avalanche of emotion has led me to need some assistance. An experienced mentor (and dear friend) recommended that I engage in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR) during this journey. Hence my venture into this modality. (For a brief intro, please see  What is EMDR? )

As Andrea Goldberg describes in the above post I'm referencing, there are a number of different ways that an EMDR therapist may provide the desensitization movements. My EMDR therapist happens to use a small electronic instrument that provides side-to-side movements by my holding a small pouch, if you will, in each hand, that is connected to her machine.

When the therapist turns the instrument on, I feel alternating vibrations in my hands which then activate both the right and left side of my brain. So far, my therapist has only used EMDR with me in terms of processing positive memories so that I may have a couple of "feel good" thoughts to have in my back pocket.

To illustrate, I will describe a bit of what my therapist and I did together. My EMDR therapist (let's call her M) explained to me that she would like me to have a couple of safe positive memories to be able to draw upon if/when I get upset (referring to a time in the near future when she would be working with me on a difficult memory).

After this explanation, M asked me what memory comes to mind as a happy, safe place to be. So I thought for a minute and mentioned my late grandparents' home. She then asked me to describe their home in detail. After I described it, she asked what smells, colors, feelings came to mind as I'm thinking about my late grandparents and their home. I remember sharing that I felt loved and wanted and cherished in their home and M asking me where I felt this on my body.

Then M repeated back to me the various statements I had said to her about how I felt and where I felt how I felt while she was turning on the electronic instruments and sending the alternating vibrations to my hands and she asked me whether any image or thought came to mind. The warm and loving feelings that I felt at my grandparents raised the image of being loved and comforted by my mother.

So now, when/if I'm upset, I can use an alternate tapping motion on my legs to replicate the electronic machine and think those same thoughts and a nice, warm and positive feeling will wash over me as a result.

Next week, M and I will be tackling a recent (annoying) event that occurred that was painful for me because of the negative thoughts/beliefs that it triggered in me. The goal will be to use the EMDR to change some of those negative self-beliefs.

So that's the update...

How have you handled taking unplanned detours in life from your career/work/school etc.?  How did they work out? What kind of experiences have you had with mindfulness? Have you tried EMDR? Does it sound appealing to you? Please share your thoughts below.

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